BEDMINTON

Dear Aunt Bee,
I have been having a problem with my bed auntie, aki it swings hitting the wall kama vita. It makes my exit (from my own house) kila morning be a walk of shame before my neighbors. Nimetry zote, chuma na mbao. Is it fair if i called matendechere na smiti yake to come and make us ya mawe? would that be fare to nature? or should i watch my weight? am i fat? i know i’m my own solution but being the aunt you are, saidia.


Ama-eyes


Dear Ama-eyes, 
Aunt Bee would really like to know what youve been doing on that bed!! Not only are you fat but youve been very very naughty!! Aunt Bee doesnt know a lot of physics (or is it carpentry?) but she knows that a bed doesnt just start swinging on its own!! I would advise that you switch from missionary and try a variety of other positions that will not put pressure on the bed. Try doing it standing against the wall or bending  shaggerifically. You can jump into the shower or do it in the kitchen (assuming you dont live in a one roomed house where the kitchen is the living room and the bedroom and the bathroom is outside) You can get a khamasutra handbook  for further assistance or try the brand new positions like "undertaker" or "tombstone" Another trend that is fast catching on and that you could try is doing it outdoors. Instead of stressing your bed, you could do it on a bench, in the cemetry, in a forest, by the river, or besides a waterfall (now that is something!! ask Aunt Bee! ;-) ). Just think outside the bed. Be out-going. Be adventurous. You will not only add oooh-mph to your sex life, but you will save on costs, and that wont be such a bad thing seeing as the cost of living has gone up you will need that money to buy other things like vaseline on those days. Let me know how it goes! 


Yours truly, Aunt Bee