Dear Aunt Bee,
My husband farts on me. He thinks its hilarious, and its really annoying to me. It makes me feel like I am one of his frat buddies instead of his wife, who he might like to have sex with again at one point or another. I don't know how to make him stop. Help?
Smelly Wifey
Dear Smelly Wifey,
You Stink!! Please excuse Aunt Bee while she opens her windows and doors and steps out briefly for a breath of fresh air.....
Ok, Im back. Now men should realize that women dont find fart sounds or smells the least bit amusing!! Now my idea on how to make him stop might sound a bit barbaric but girl, that man needs to be taught a lesson!! Aunt Bee thinks you should get him drunk to a stupor one night, chain him to the bed with handcuffs, lube up his ass real nice (and this is being far too kind) then stick a cork in there. Then he will not only be unable to fart, he will not be able to shit either!! Then make sure you stuff on lots of pork and beans and fart in his face until he begs for mercy and forgiveness.
Another option is to get a can of pepper spray, then when he has positioned himself to fart in your face, spray his butt, ass hole, balls and prick with a generous amount of pepper. Make sure youre near the door and have your sprinting shoes on because he is likely to turn violent when you do this.
Well after that you may no longer have a husband but hopefully, he will never fart on another woman ever again so you will have done the world a favour.
Aunt Bee
